


🎶 Remus is a swearwolf 🎶

by dduucckk



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amusement Parks, Banter, Fluff, Funny, Haunted Houses, I googled "how to type music notes", Multi, bc I decided it should be in the title, huh didn't think that would be a tag, wtf even are my titles anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26578762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dduucckk/pseuds/dduucckk
Summary: Regulus sighed. “Come on, Sirius, let’s get you off this thing and then you’ll feel better.” They pried Sirius’s hands off the bar and helped him out of the rollercoaster, where he stood for a moment on shaky legs, clutching Regulus’s arm.“I’m going to get some mint chocolate,” he declared once his legs had regained some of their strength, “and then we’re going to the haunted house and I’m getting my revenge.”
Relationships: Regulus Black/James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 108





	🎶 Remus is a swearwolf 🎶

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pan_and_ready_to_stan (vaindumbass)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaindumbass/gifts).
  * Inspired by [ice ice baby](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26578930) by [vaindumbass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaindumbass/pseuds/vaindumbass). 



> Hello!! I wrote this bc my friend wrote an amazing jeguliliy amusement park au that everyone should read, and it's linked above in the "inspired by" bit. Enjoy!!
> 
> edit: guys guys guys my amazing wonderful talented friend em ([tumblr](https://rosemaldrge.tumblr.com), [ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rouge_blume), [ig](https://www.instagram.com/rosemaldrge/)) did [this absolutely gorgeous art for this fic and I need everyone to see and appreciate it bc its so so so good](https://rosemaldrge.tumblr.com/post/636416246747922432/youre-the-werewolf-only-part-time-dont-act)

“Do we _have_ to go on the rollercoaster?”

“Yes, Sirius, we have to go on the rollercoaster,” Regulus said firmly. Sirius walked as slowly as he reasonably could in the crowds. Regulus rolled their eyes and grabbed Sirius by the wrist, dragging him along behind them.

“Reggie, look! There’s a haunted house!”

Regulus glanced in the direction Sirius was pointing and saw that there was indeed a haunted house. They rolled their eyes and tugged on Sirius’s wrist harder.

“We’re going to the rollercoaster, not the haunted house.”

“If I go on the rollercoaster with you now, will you come to the haunted house with me after?”

Regulus sighed. “Fine, but if anything embarrassing happens in front of James and Lily you’re dead to me.”

Sirius grinned. “Don’t worry, Reggie, I’ll make sure all the embarrassing stuff happens on video.”

“Don’t you fucking dare, Sirius, or I swear I’ll–oh! Hi, James!”

They had reached the front of the queue for the rollercoaster, and there was James, a huge smile on his face.

“Regulus!” he said, “I wasn’t expecting to see you here!” He frowned suddenly. “You can still make it to dinner tonight, right?”

“Yeah, I can,” Regulus assured him. “I just wanted to introduce you to my brother. Sirius, this is James, James, this is Sirius.”

James grinned and gave a little wave. “Nice to meet you, Sirius. Is it true that everyone in your family has a weird name?”

Sirius blinked in surprise, then turned to Regulus. “I like him,” he declared, then said to James, “The whole family’s a little fucked up, trust me. The names are the least of it. Nice to meet you, too.”

As happy as Regulus was that their boyfriend and their brother were getting along, when they glanced back at the queue forming behind them they realized they needed to speed things along. They had only been on a few dates with James so far, but they already knew that once he got talking, stopping him was nearly impossible.

“Sirius,” they said, tapping him on the shoulder, “We’ll never get to go to the haunted house if we don’t get on this ride now.”

“And I would never forgive you if we didn’t go to the haunted house,” Sirius said gravely.

“The haunted house?” James asked with interest. “You mean the Shrieking Shack?”

“Yeah!” Sirius bounced on the balls of his feet. “I’m dragging Reggie along with me. Don’t worry, I’ll take videos.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” James laughed, then raised an eyebrow at Regulus. “Reggie?”

Regulus blushed. “It’s Sirius’s _very stupid_ childhood nickname for me that I asked him _not to use_.” They said the last three words with a pointed glare in Sirius’s direction, but Sirius just smirked back. James grinned at them.

“I think it’s cute,” he declared, and Regulus felt themself blush even more.

~~~

The rollercoaster slowed to a stop, and Regulus hopped out, grinning excitedly. They looked back to see if Sirius was following them, and snorted.

“Had a good time, did you, Siri?”

Sirius, who was still clutching the safety rail and looking rather green, growled weakly at Regulus.

Regulus sighed. “Come on, Sirius, let’s get you off this thing and then you’ll feel better.” They pried Sirius’s hands off the bar and helped him out of the rollercoaster, where he stood for a moment on shaky legs, clutching Regulus’s arm.

“I’m going to get some mint chocolate,” he declared once his legs had regained some of their strength, “and then we’re going to the haunted house and I’m getting my revenge.”

~~~

One mint chocolate bar later, Sirius was feeling much less nauseous and much more ready for the Shrieking Shack. As the two of them made their way across the amusement park, Regulus got a text from James.

“His shift just ended, and Lily’s here to pick him up. I’m going to go with them, I think.” They started tapping out a text, but Sirius snatched their phone from their hands.

“Oh no you don’t! You’re not getting out of the Shrieking Shack that easily. Invite them to come with us if you must, but I didn’t try any cheap tricks to avoid the rollercoaster, and I won’t let you get away with any of your own.”

“ _Fuck_ you,” Regulus said. They made a grab for their phone, but Sirius was holding it just out of reach. He dangled it in front of Regulus’s face, then whipped it back up before they could grab it. “Fine,” they grumbled, “I’ll ask James and Lily if they want to come to the haunted house with us.”

“Excellent.” Sirius handed over the phone, a satisfied grin on his face.

~~~

James and Lily agreed to come to the haunted house, James proclaiming that it was his favourite thing in the park and he had been there a million times. Sirius declared that he and James had no choice now but to be best friends, and James agreed wholeheartedly. Lily and Regulus exchanged fondly exasperated looks as the boys ran ahead, racing each other to see who could get to the ticket stand first.

“Not as keen on it as they are?” Lily asked, hooking her arm through Regulus’s.

“No, Sirius is making me come as revenge for me making him go on the rollercoaster.”

Lily laughed, but before she could say anything else, James came hurtling back towards them, waving three tickets.

“I got you guys some!” he said breathlessly. He passed out the tickets, then took Regulus’s hand and dragged him and Lily towards the entrance.

“You guys have to pay for tickets?” Regulus asked.

“No,” Lily said, “But I think he’s seeing this as a date.”

Regulus suddenly felt quite a bit better about the haunted house.

~~~

Sirius practically skipped through the door of the Shrieking Shack. Regulus watched him with apprehension, and at exactly the same time, James and Lily each squeezed one of their hands.

“Did you guys plan that?” Regulus asked.

“Plan what?” James frowned at them, obviously confused. Regulus tried valiantly not to laugh, but a small giggle came out of their mouth.

“Nothing, never mind.”

James and Lily were both looking at them strangely, but they just shook their head and pulled the two of them towards the door. “So what happens when we go inside?”

James perked up immediately. “The whole house is a maze!” he said, waving his arms around in what was perhaps an attempt to demonstrate, but Regulus wasn’t really sure. All they knew was that their hand was still held tightly in James’s as he gesticulated. They liked that.

Regulus focused back in on James’s voice just in time to hear him say, “....and in the middle of the maze there’s a werewolf!”

“A what?” Regulus asked.

“A werewolf, weren’t you listening Reggie?” James wicked at them and Regulus glared to offset their blush.

“A werewolf in the middle of a maze?” Regulus said skeptically. “Isn’t it supposed to be a Minotaur in a labyrinth?”

“Shhhh,” Lily said with a grin, “The park manager doesn’t think anyone will notice, let’s not prove him wrong.”

“Yes ma’am,” Regulus said, and they would have saluted if they had been willing to let go of either James’s or Lily’s hand.

“Are we ready to go in?” James bounced up and down eagerly.

Regulus and Lily looked at each other, then back and James, and nodded.

~~~

Sirius turned on the flashlight he had been given at the entrance and looked around the tunnel he was in. He wasn’t really sure how he had ended up here, but somehow or other he had, and now he needed to find his way out.

He went through twisting passageways and up some rickety stairs, and down a few more, and through a hall so narrow he had to turn sideways to squeeze through, until he was thoroughly lost. He could hear creaking floorboards and footsteps from all sides, and an occasional thump on the wall that made him jump. He looked around for the speakers that the noises had to be coming from, but they were apparently very well hidden.

After making his way through a corridor where something was dangling from the ceiling––it felt suspiciously spider-like, but Sirius didn’t dare turn on his flashlight to find out––he found himself in a large, dimly lit room. Sirius stood in the doorway as he took it in.

In one corner was a bed. The wooden frame was falling apart, and the mattress looked as if it had been torn to shreds by something with truly massive claws. A shiver ran up Sirius’s spine as his imagination went wild thinking of all the creatures that could have claws that size. On the wall opposite the bed, a pair of handcuffs hung from the wall, bent open. Above them were more claw marks. Bits of wood were scattered across the room, and Sirius was fairly sure they were the remnants of a chair.

He could turn back, he knew. But directly across the room from him was another door, and Sirius had a feeling that door was the only way to eventually leave the Shrieking Shack. So he stepped into the room.

The door slammed shut behind him.

Sirius froze, wide-eyed, as a low growling sound filled the room. He took a few steps forward, and the growling grew louder. Sirius didn’t dare look behind him. He took a few more steps into the room, faster this time, and was almost halfway through when he heard a thumping step behind him. His neck felt frozen in place, capable only of looking at the door in front of him, but his feet moved faster than ever, until he was almost running. Whatever was behind him picked up its pace as well. Sirius reached out for the doorknob, grabbed it, turned it as quickly as he could, and pulled the door open with so much force that he stumbled backwards and into–something. The _something_ growled in Sirius’s ear, and Sirius shrieked. He kicked back, and connected with something––a shin, he thought––and the growling turned into the very human sound of loud cursing.

“Fucking _fuck_ , that hurt,” the creature moaned, and Sirius remembered that it wasn’t a creature at all, only an actor dressed up as one. He winced.

“Sorry,” he said, tuning around, “I didn’t mean to–no, actually I did. Sorry anyway?”

The actor looked up at him, and Sirius got the impression that he was being glared at furiously from behind the wolf costume. “I can’t believe you did that. What did you think I would do, eat you like Little Red fucking Riding Hood?”

“Your _job_ is to scare me! Shouldn’t you be glad you did your job well?”

“Not when it got me a bruise!”

“At least you know I can defend myself.”

“Nah, that wouldn’t stop a real werewolf.”

“Oh is _that_ what you’re supposed to be?”

“Obviously.”

“I mean, the wolf costume is…” Sirius gestured to the truly excellent costume, “Low budget, to say the least.”

The actor snorted. “I’m fairly certain it cost more than my monthly salary, don’t be rude.”

“Me? Never.”

“Fuck off and finish the maze. I hear more people coming.”

Sirius saluted and left the room.

~~~

By the time James, Lily, and Regulus left the Shrieking Shack, Sirius was sitting on a bench nearby, almost finished eating his ice cream cone.

“What took you guys so long?” he complained.

“It’s considerably harder to keep track of three people than one,” Regulus said with dignity. They took the ice cream cone from Sirius’s hand and took a bite.

“I can’t believe you’re the kind of _monster_ that bites into ice cream,” Sirius lamented. Regulus rolled their eyes, then looked behind them to where James and Lily had paused to talk to someone. Sirius smiled.

“So how are they?” he asked Regulus. “They seem really lovely.”

“They are,” Regulus’s face lit up with a smile. “They really are, Sirius. I really like them.”

“Good. Me too.” Sirius nudged Regulus with his elbow. “Not quite in the way you do, though.” He snatched the ice cream from Regulus before they could take another bite, and they snorted.

“I sure hope you don’t like them the way I do. But I am glad you like them. It means a lot.”

Sirius patted Regulus on the shoulder, and neither of them spoke for a few minutes. James and Lily had apparently not finished their conversation, but were bringing it to Sirius and Regulus, and as the group approached the bench, Sirius got a closer look at the person they were talking to.

He was tall and skinny, with far too much arm and leg than he seemed to know what to do with, and he gestured with his arms as he spoke, one hand waving around in the air as the other pushed his curls out of his face. As they drew nearer, Sirius could hear him speak, and was both impressed and surprised by the amount of swearing happening.

“...and this prick, he kicks me! In the fucking shin! I swear to god, if I have any fucking….” he circled his hand in the air impatiently as he tried to think of the right word, “If I have any fucking lasting damage, I’m going to find that little shit that did it and he’ll be sorr––” His eyes fell on Sirius, and he froze.

“You!” he said. “You’re the goddamn prick that gave me a fucking bruise! It’s fucking purple already, look!” He pulled up the leg of his sweatpants to reveal a nasty looking bruise, and Sirius suddenly realized where he had heard that voice before.

“You’re the werewolf!”

“Only part time, don’t act as if it’s my life. And who knows if I will be anymore after you’ve injured me like this.” He raised an eyebrow and his mouth curved into a smirk. “Your scream was quite funny, though.”

Regulus, James, and Lily had all been watching with varying degrees of confusion and amusement, but that comment was too much for Regulus.

“He made you scream?” They looked at Sirius, grinning. “Did the werewolf scare little Siri?”

“Shut up, Reg, I’m older than you.”

“Ah, but I wasn’t scared of the werewolf.”

“Bet you were.”

“You’d lose that one.”

“They weren’t,” the werewolf in question cut in, “although that may have been because James and Lily warned them. You didn’t have that advantage, I gather.” He held his hand out to Sirius. “I’m Remus Lupin.”

Sirius shook it. “Interesting name for a werewolf. I’m Sirius Black. Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“Fuck off, dog boy. Dinner like a date?”

“Dog boy? That’s not one I hear very often.”

“Well, I think it suits you. Dinner like a date?”

“Yes, dinner like a date.”

“Yes, I’ll have dinner with you. Give me an hour to get the smell of that fucking costume off of me, and I’m all yours.” Remus sauntered away, and Sirius stared after him, only looking away when Regulus smacked him on the arm. They didn’t say anything, but Sirius knew they would make fun of him the first chance they got. He glared at them.

James, on the other hand, was looking at him in awe. “Is it really that easy for you to get a date?”

“Um. Not usually?”

“I knew you guys would like each other.” Lily grinned at him. “He’s not as much of a dick as he seemed, I swear.”

“Do you think I would have asked him out if I thought he seemed like a dick?”

“Fair point.” Lily nodded.

James’s phone dinged with a text, and he pulled it out of his pocket. “It’s Remus,” he said, laughing, “asking for your number and claiming he’s a fucking idiot for trying to look cool.”

“Tell him it worked, and give me his number,” Sirius said.

“You can tell him yourself.” James handed his phone over to Sirius with Remus’s contact information open, and Sirius put it into his own phone.

**hey werewolf**

**being cool definitely worked ;)**

**Author's Note:**

> [Here's my tumblr! :)](https://dduucckk.tumblr.com)


End file.
